I haven’t updated in quite a long while. I’ve been writing, not posting. So if you’re curious why I left off blogging for awhile I list the following excuses:
Molly’s increased mobility.
The second knocking up of Kelly, courtesy of Zak, of course.
Random moving to new apartment.
Crazy, busy daily life.
So! I’m due in August to meet a second daughter who we plan on dubbing Matilda Eloise.
We commenced the move this weekend.
Molly is taking steps.
More later…
If you look for beauty, you will find it everywhere. I have found it in the most unexpected places. In viruses, in sea slugs, in people I thought I would never learn to care for. You will find what you are looking for.
Originally from What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright. Bold those that apply to you.
1. Father went to college He took courses here and there while he was in the airforce.
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home They were mostly religious books/textbooks. My family home schooled for several years.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent My mom read us library books fairly often.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 I took piano for a month when I was ninish.
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like you are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp I went to a week long Christian camp twice.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels (While I was a kid, we only went on two family vacations. Both were camping trips. My dad’s illness prevented any real family vacation after I turned six.)
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child My mother’s family is full of artists. Their paintings and my sister’s sketches still hang on the walls.
23. You and your family lived in a single family house All nine of us lived in a small two bedroom home.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in High School
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 A friend’s parents took me on their family vacation to Florida, when I was still in grade school. My parents didn’t pay for any of it.
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family
What an interesting meme! My early life may not seem privileged to many of the classmates and peers who knew me then, but compared to the majority of the planet’s population who live on less than a dollar a day, I was and am rich. I certainly feel privileged. My parents both are wonderful and loving. I may not have had my own room or new clothing until I was grown, but I did (and do) have attentive parents. I’ve never gone hungry, and I’ve always been able to visit the doctor or dentist as needed.
A few of the statements listed confused me. Especially: “The people in the media who dress and talk like you are portrayed positively.” What category am I supposed to lump myself into?
I did a google search on feminist mothers. I found the following questions from blogger,
Two Peas, No Pod.
I thought it would be interesting to post them. Away we go:
1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?
I can’t in one sentence!
I find the term “feminist” limiting. Our society is plagued with ye olde problems and stereotypes that afflict both genders. Every individual deals with prejudice in some fashion. I’d like to fight these injustices in every form, not only on behalf of women. I feel if we could break these barriers- quality of life for everyone would significantly improve.
I don’t think I ever thought about women being placed second, until I attended public school. I remember the exact day: I was in fifth grade. I was a former girl scout. I quit because our girl scout activities sucked. They included: learning to do laundry, reading boring fact sheets, learning to bake, and of course the cookie selling. One day, some time later, in class a man came to recruit boy scouts. He described camping, water balloon fights, and survival skills. That sounded fun. Why didn’t we get to do that? Selling cookies sucked! I really started to notice more, after that. I find gender stereotypes stifling. I hate to hear people make serious remarks claiming that girls can’t do math (even if I’m not particularly good with numbers). I also hate to hear remarks about boys being naturally violent, etc.
So, I suppose, I am a feminist. I get angry about the marginalization of women, which is just disgraceful in the United States. In school, I was taught that America is the best. We can’t call ourselves the best for so many reasons! One is our public policies that harm women. I’d like to see changes around here! Women should make the same wages as men for starters. It’s ridiculous that we still haven’t won that battle!
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood?
I’m surprised about how casual it has made me. I flop out my boobs in public. I pick my daughter’s nose. I don’t shudder over poopy messes- not that I enjoy them.
3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?
I used to roll my eyes at the term “feminism”. It immediately conjured visions of women who put down anything remotely feminine. I’m a bit more comfortable with the term now. I know now this was a stereotype trick the public seems to put out there. People are people, and we vary. I can call myself a feminist and still enjoy motherhood, the color pink, and cuddling with my husband. In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I could call myself a feminist. I thought being a feminist meant competing with men and winning. I thought it meant negating all that is “girly”. Now I feel more like it’s about mutual respect. Women just want respect. We want our rights honored. I’m all about that!
We shouldn’t have to like pink just because we’re women, anymore than a man should like monster trucks and wrestling by virtue of his gender. We have got to stop making assumptions. We shouldn’t be paid less than men because of our gender. We’ve got to change these crazy policies.
Since the birth of my daughter I’m more sensitive to women’s issues and public portrayals of women. I get extra upset over things I see in ads. I wish I could offer my daughter a better world, but I feel lucky to have her, to nurture her. I look forward to the discussions we will have on various issues, and I love to watch her grow.
4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?
I don’t feel like I’m a “mothering feminist”. I suppose my individual approach to parenting/long-term parenting strategy (so far- it’s only been ten months!) is take care of her needs and get out of the way. I want her to feel free to be who she is- that’s all.
I’m not sure what a mother who isn’t a feminist is like. My mother always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I don’t think she calls herself a feminist, but I believe the same things essentially and I do.
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?
I feel compromised as a human being. This little girl has a monopoly on my time, body and soul. And yet, I love it. Sure there are moments I’d like her to go to sleep and leave me alone. But those are fairly short lived and normal.
I don’t believe I’m a failure ever. Or at least not yet..
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?
No.Why would it have been?
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?
This question is problematic. Why should I have to reconcile personal sacrifice for my daughter’s well being with being a feminist? I don’t feel that they run counter to each other. By raising my daughter to be a confident, informed, healthy woman- that is my brand of feminism. By being, myself, a confident, informed, healthy woman- that is my brand of feminism.
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?
We have an awesome relationship. I feel very free with Zak, and he feels free with me. We don’t feel pressured by “societal norms” together. We just are- and we just do what feels right for us. Sometimes he changes the diapers. Most of the time I do. That’s because he’s employed and earns us money. I’m currently employed at home. I like what I do. He likes what he does. I don’t want a job in a work place/office/whatever. It’s interesting, because if we never talked we would probably look like we fit in with a “traditional values” set. But we both feel that people should be free to do what makes them happy.
I think I’ve taught Zak a few things. He was compassionate to begin with; but as I’ve shared my thoughts on a few things he has changed his mind a little about things he never really thought about before.
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?
Once again, no challenge. Although I admit there have been brief moments of insecurity because I’ve dropped out of college, never had a “real” job, and I feel that there is a pressure out there for a woman to do and be all.
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?
I think that sometimes the way feminism has been portrayed it can seem like a failure. When it appears to be some competition between the genders- it fails. I feel that we should all share respect and value differences as well as similarities among individuals. As I mentioned before, for me, it’s not a broad enough term. I think in the past decades, feminism ignored the pros of motherhood. Women felt that is was (and indeed in the past- it was) forced upon them as an only option- as their sole value. It took a lot of fight to change these unfair attitudes (which will probably never completely disappear). This necessary struggle was fought and won to a certain extent. I was not forced into marriage and childbirth. I think many American women now enjoy the fruits of labor that birth control activists, suffragists, and career women planted on our behalf.
Now mothers are jumping in the ring to push for further progress! We want affordable, available medical care for our kids and ourselves. We want equal wages for all women. We want maternity and paternity leave. We want to be valued, and we want flexibility in order to better support our families. I think these are all legitimate desires, needs. You can be a feminist and a mother. I personally feel that the best way for me to express feminism is in sharing and ensuring that everyone regardless of gender is afforded the opportunity and respect people need to live a high quality, happy life. See
Momsrising.
“Meaningless phrases and irrational theologies have been moulded into rigid, authoritative institutions perverting and stultifying the adventurous, creative spirit which distinguishes us from the rest of the animal kingdom. They turn our attention from the splendid possibilities of our mysterious life and toward a mythical, improbable life after death. Over all presides a despotic, unjust, and irrational deity of the medieval king type, who must be worshipped by flattery and blind obedience….I propose to a fairly intelligent people of a partially scientific age…that all this is a sad mess of ancient and medieval superstition which should speedily be relegated to the storage rooms of the museum of history. We should stop the pretense of awe, or even respect, for teachings which lack even a slight amount of evidence or probability. We should substitute a religion based on actual repeatable, describable and testable experience, and which has some connection with the genuine values of life: not an absurd and impossible life in a stupid, idle heaven, but a rich, active, adventurous life in the world we live in….But if those who reject all this medieval rubbish will join heartily in a real world-wide effort for an uplifted humanity; if they refuse to continue systems which involve contests in indiscriminate killing and destruction; if they will dedicate themselves to a general cooperation in mutual service, refusing all incitements to seek poser over each other; if they will accept the adventure of lives everywhere seeking harmony, good-will, understanding, friendliness; if they will turn aside from all claims of super-men for super-rights and privileges, whether in religion, in politics, in industry or in society; then indeed we may renew and revive the purposes of prophets, statesmen, scholars, scientists, and good people since the world began. This would be a real religion.”
I’m retaking courses that I dropped my first semester of college. I figured I wouldn’t have to purchase new textbooks, since I kept the ones from a year or two ago. I was wrong. McGraw-Hill came out with updated versions just this year.
Each new edition is basically the same book copied and pasted in a different order with newer graphics and perhaps a handful of updated statistics. The largest difference is that prices are higher this time around.
It makes me furious. Not only are the prices outrageous (some of our friends have spent five hundred dollars or more per semester on textbooks alone) , but it’s a waste of paper, and it’s just wrong-wrong-wrong.
So I thought about it. How could this be improved? Well, I’ll tell you:
Why not write textbooks with the bare basic information needed for each course? I mean with information that hasn’t changed and isn’t likely to change until some Sir Isaac Newton rewrites everything we know about the world. The textbooks should be higher quality- not flimsy bendy fall apart worthless books that are currently in use.
I also believe that instead of selling editions, they should be rented. This would make education considerably more affordable. How many more people could afford to educate themselves? Wouldn’t that be something!
Supplemental texts could be written and sold separately with current information. Professors would have more control over their curriculum. Perhaps instructors would not burn out on teaching so quickly.
An added plus would be perhaps that textbooks would not be quite so heavy. It would be quite a load off of my back, at any rate.
So I did a bit of research. How is it that these publishing companies are able to lighten our pocketbooks and load our backs with their monotonous, expensive texts? I googled around and discovered I’m not the only one to complain or offer a solution. My first search turned up a November 2003 article from CBS news about how a textbook company had bribed universities and professors to use and “review” their texts. One professor, Jim Williams, was canned for refusing. The company refused to comment and later retracted their bribery policy of offering $2,500 to would be “reviewers”. The next article was more encouraging, Dean Baker wrote in his 2005 article entitled “Are Textbooks a Scam?” that the reason these companies do this- is simply because they can. The government apparently grants them special monopolizing copyrights. He suggests this law should be revised allowing for more competition in the market.
I agree and I’d like to start a competing company based on the ideas above.
I recently picked up Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson. I read until the second chapter and briefly flipped through the book in its entirety when I decided I’m against biographies. I’ve always been an Einstein fan. I thought it would be interesting to read about his life. It was interesting, I suppose. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of intrusion when reading into his personal matters. Really, and this biography in particular is a perfect example, I’ve come to the conclusion that the biography when written by an author who does not sensitively treat information with regards to a person’s privacy, is no better than a tabloid. It’s glorified and scholarly, perhaps, yet it is still no better than those nasty magazines that build up celebrities only to tear them down triumphantly by pointing out their human flaws. They seem to fill a base psychological need to bring a hero down in order to boost the average ego’s confidence. Fans of Walter Isaacson’s biography of Einstein probably read the book, scanning for failures to make them feel better. Perhaps they have common failures. Who wouldn’t feel a bit grander drawing parallels between one’s own life and the life Einstein whose name is synonymous today with intelligence? Or worse, perhaps they’re malicious, and look merely for the flaws. “Ah”, perhaps they think, “look at the “great” Einstein… Failed marriage, poor parenting… I may not be brilliant but at least I have people skills.” Maybe I’m too cynical. Another reader might applaud the book for the same reasons I put my thumbs down. Taking a giant, like Einstein, and showing him to be human like everyone else may encourage and elevate others to greatness, in the same way it’s encouraging (though to me it’s daunting) at the number of tries Edison had to go through before he lit his light bulb. I don’t know. It’s difficult for me to play devil’s advocate here.
Perhaps I’m old fashioned in the belief that the dead should be respected. Some of the papers the author used were only recently released. These papers were sacredly private to Albert during his lifetime and were carefully guarded by his family. It seems a pity to make a dead man’s secrets open for public speculation.
Perhaps my review is unfair. I didn’t finish the book. I merely read the first few chapters then skimmed briefly til the last few paragraphs, which kindly paid tribute to the man, Albert Einstein by celebrating his nonconformist attitude, humble awe of nature, and of course his brilliant thought. But I can’t help asking in my mind, would the subject be pleased? Or.. would he cringe?
Speech of Moon in the Heart of Ceylon
“Somewhere, in the heart of Ceylon,
There is a moon, whose rays
Carry the old message of the moon. Men, understand each other. Be kind. The past must be understood.
East and west must be friendly.
Man and woman must see in each other
Miraculous completion, respected at twelve, midday.
Children, animals can never be known too much.
Soldiers, there’s another way of enjoying chance
And sudden, ecstatic power.
Music is the very essence of what things are.
Fingers were meant to understand flowers
And the erring cat. Hands were meant to honor
Trees and the wandering beast.
Words are to be loved and sentences remembered in many languages.
And thus the moon went on with its message
That June evening in Ceylon.
The planets heard and applauded in the way planets have.
The sages of old also heard, as did people not then considered sage.
Oh, heart of Ceylon, how rightly the rays of the moon
Came to you, with such a way of speech.
The speech of moon in the heart of Ceylon
Has been given, faithfully,
And every island can attest to this.
There never was a gentler speech.
There never was one the planets liked more.
There never was one we could profit more from,
When we listen to it with willingness
unimpeded.”
Eli Siegel is the author. Apparently, he was a cult leader, but that does not detract from this poem (for me) at least.
These are my links for July 20th through July 30th:
This poem is timeless:
“Some Saian mountaineer
Struts today with my shield.
I threw it down by a bush and ran
When the fighting got hot.
Life seemed somehow more precious.
It was a beautiful shield.
I know where I can buy another
Exactly like it, just as round.”
I wish more of his work survived.